Artistically Aesthetic

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
March 3, 2018.

It’s been a few years since the last time I came to a concert. I almost forgot how it feels like to be in front of the stage, in the crowd, at night with the lighting on, feeling so close yet so far with an artist.

reggae isn’t my thing. I just don’t enjoy the musics that make me have to dance. I prefer acoustic, classical, and other music genre that don’t need me to dance along. Oh, EDM is so much better, I think jamming is more bearable for me to follow.

It was raining quiet hard. I didn’t have my jacket on so it was so freaking cold with my sleeve drenched. Fortunately one of the band I respect finally performed. But it sucked because I’m just around this height so I couldn’t record any. But hey I have this tall boyf who was ready to record without any obstacle.

Thank you for holding the umbrella. I know your arm must be so stiff and painful.
Thank you for standing behind me in the crowd, it made me secured.
Thank for tonight.

I hope we will have another chance to watch a conceet again in the future.

Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder

But I’m scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I’m only holding on by a thin thin thread

I’m kicking the curb cause you never heard
The words that you needed so bad
And I’m kicking the dirt cause I never gave you
The place that you needed to have
I’m so sad, sad

Source: Spotify
  • 7.32 pm. Rain is pouring hard. Some papers and notes are spreading all around me. I'm in the middle of chaotic of thesis. But all I can think is;
  • me: do you think that romantic guy exist?
  • ae: of course he does. What's with him?
  • me: is it that he himself who's romantic or is there something or someone who makes him romantic?
  • ae: both could do. you never know a romantic guy personally?
  • me: I have.
  • ae: then why did you even ask?
  • me: what's your definition of a romantic guy?
  • ae: it depends. The definition could be different depends on the situation.
  • me: definition of newly couple, what the definition?
  • ae: hmm chocolate? flower bouquet?
  • me: no with that flower bouquet. They are pretty but they die. I prefer artificial flowers, the pretty ones.
  • ae: still flowers anyway.
  • me: yes. It could be nice to get some on special days such as during anniversary, on birthday and every time I'm upset.
  • ae: really? Everytime you re upset? It could do a lot of money
  • me: you're right. I don't need that much flowers anyway. Then for me being upset, maybe surprises could do?
  • ae: yess. such sneaky updates, sneaky pictures and...
  • me: they are sweeter than flowers I guess. Plus words. I could melt.
  • ae: how about chocolate?
  • me: it might can do but I'm not into sweets but still romantic and I would be happy to get some. Or other foods? I guess it would be nice too as long as it's a surprise.
  • ae: How about pizza? Would you still be mad if he is in front of your dorm bringing fresh from the oven pizza?
  • me: I think it's not about the pizza, but the effort of him bringing some food that's sweet.
  • ae: That's it.
  • me: what?
  • ae: your definition of a romantic guy.
  • me: I know right. I've lost the sparks of a newly couple and it's so sad. That's a romantic guy definiiton I've been experiencing is for years-already couple. When it reality it just begun.
  • ae: you could tell him that, you know?
  • me: not that easy. It would be burdening for him to do such things.
  • ae: but you guys are couple. And couple out there do such things. Why do you hesitate?
  • me: because he said he is not a romantic guy.
  • ae: it makes no sense. Every guy could be romantic especially to his partner.
  • me: but he is already so nice to me.
  • ae: nice is not enough. He could be nice to every one. What makes you different to other people is how he treats you which one of them is him being romantic. You said it would be burdening to him? In what way? Buying you gifrts? There are other things that could do wihtout any penny. How about sneaky updates? Do they make you happy?
  • me: they are really make me happy.
  • ae: see? there will always be ways you know
  • me: I guess you're right.
  • ae: don't hesitate. You deserve it. It doesn't have to be a romantic guy. But you deserve to be treated in romantic way.
  • me: but this... I always think I'm too lacked for someone like him to even ask romantic things.
  • ae: what have you done for him so far?
  • me: I wrote about him; about how I'm into him. Giving attentions, and other things a partner would do. Sometimes cooking for him, accompanying him.
  • ae: it makes no sense. YOU STILL DESERVE IT. AND NO BUTS
  • ae: /without realizing it, tears roll down my face/
Feb 10, 2017.

This morning, I got to read boy’s caption in his instagram account about their partner. It isn’t a beautiful writing by structure, but it’s still beautiful because it’s a heartfelt and honest, no matter how messy the words arranged, but who cares, as long as you can feel every word, it’s so okay.

And all of the caption and other writing kind a boy/men writes, the ones which include ‘God’ in them, is the most honest and makes shivers run down my spine even tho I know they are not for me, but I still manage to feel every word.

When was the last time I heard someone told me about how lucky he is to be with me?

Feb 9, 2017.

People says that act is more important than words, it proves more. But have you experienced that all you got is acts but no words spoken nor written?

It’s like you get all of the acts without knowing the exact purpose.

Or otherwise, that all you get is words but no act done, it’s all wrong either. You may get the trust tru acts but you do get goose bumps from sincere words about how a person loves another person, or about how a person feels lucky to meet, know and be with another person or other little things that get unnoticed by her/his partner.

God, I miss them.
I miss those kinda words.

I pray I marry a man that will listen to my worries with an attentive ear.

A man that will take my tears seriously.

A man that won’t be annoyed when I falter.

A man that will make every effort to see me smile.

A man that will put me above even his greatest passion.

A man that will protect my precious heart.

me
CONGRADUATION, Kak Nuke! One of the most inspired people that I’ve ever known, my first manager ever, orang yg bikin aku bercengkrama bgt sama yg namanya marketing, desain dkk, tempat curhat dari hal yg random sampe hal paling ambis. It’s such a...

CONGRADUATION, Kak Nuke!

One of the most inspired people that I’ve ever known, my first manager ever, orang yg bikin aku bercengkrama bgt sama yg namanya marketing, desain dkk, tempat curhat dari hal yg random sampe hal paling ambis.

It’s such a honor for having you as my B2C IG manager. Keep spreading the good vibes ya kak!

Kapan ni kita aisekan lagi?

Have a bright future ahead ya. See you at Danone next year, Kak! 😜 (Insha Allah)

Kamu takut.

Tiap kali ada orang yang menyakitimu kemudian mereka bertanya “Salahku apa?”
Kamu hanya akan diam,
atau menjawab jika mereka tidak memiliki salah,
atau menjawab dan menyebutkan kesalahan mereka tapi tidak semuanya.

Nyatanya kamu terlalu peduli, terlalu takut kata-katamu menyakiti. Kamu terbiasa menahan semuanya sendiri, mengorbankan dirimu saja yang menanggung perih.

Kamu takut kehilangan.
Kamu takut akan respon orang lain ketika kamu menjabarkan hal yang salah dari mereka.

Kamu takut mereka salah paham,

oleh sebab itu,

kamu
selalu

diam.

me